Eff this stinking southern Illinois winter. It's cold. Wet. Icy. Windy. I feel like I live in the arctic circle. Why couldn't my family be from Jamaica or maybe the Bahamas. ooo or St. Lucia... ok I'd just take a couple hundred miles south...
We decided to get the hell out of here and go to a place with a real stinkin' beach. And cactus. And long horns. Yup. Texas. When my sister lived there we referred to it as TexASS. It was asstastic. It was...disgusting. But it was really just an extension of Oklahoma.
Husband's grandparents winter down in McAllen, Texas. You know, the place with all the drug wars and illegal aliens and murders. Yup. That's the place. Well, we left Saturday morning and headed to St. Louis (A CITY! WITH A MALL! AND LOTS OF PEOPLE!). The traffic sucked and I didn't like how smelly all the people were...am I getting soft on this small town crap?.......Anyway, we shopped for a while and then headed to the hotel. Did you know there is nothing to do around the airport? Here me and my husband are on vacation in a hotel room and what's going on? We are taking a nap at 7 pm. How awesome is that? It's asstastic!!! Or maybe it's not asstastic at all...
So around 9 we decided we were hungry for some New York style pizza. Anyone on the east coast will know just what I am talking about. the crap we found was so NOT NY style pizza. I was embarrassed for New York. Just because you name the wild bear fluffy doesn't mean he is. Same goes for pizza. I was so disappointed. I even googled it and all the reviews said it was the best New York pizza in STL. Well, I am so glad I didn't try any others. Yuck! The garlic bread was good though.
The next morning we left bright and early for the airport. We got on the plane all anxious to go and nothing. We sat there for over an hour waiting to be deiced. It was awesome watching the John Deeres plow the snow off the tarmac though. I was highly amused. So not something you see in the sunny south. At 1:10 in the afternoon we landed in Dallas. At 1:15 our flight left for McAllen. We huffed and puffed while standing in line to get off the plane. The stewardess told everyone who did not have a connecting flight to remain seated so those of us with flights leaving in moments can get there. Well. That fell on deaf ears. Everyone got up and laughed and joked and were sorry for the people who might miss their flights. Oh no they didn't. I slid my rear end in between two yakers and wedged myself into the aisle. It took a moment for them to realize what was going on. Finally they realized one of those people about to miss their flight was trying to not miss it. Husband and I grabbed our bags and rushed to act like cows waiting fr supper. We slowly sauntered through the aisle (I guess no one else was about to miss a flight...) and exited the plane. We ran up the ramp and jumped out into the bustling airport! And what did we find? A stewardess, waiting just for us to get the hell of that plane and get on her plane, which, by the way, was at the gate right.next.door. I know, that will never happen again in 100 years. So at 1:15 as one steward put our bags in the overhead compartment, one closed and sealed the door and we sat our lucky asses down, we started out on our second flight. Phew.
Fast forwarding a couple hours. Grandma and Grandpa grabbed us from the airport and took us to dinner (at 3:30 mind you.) We enjoyed Mr. Goti's. The finest pizza establishment in the south Texas area. It's a buffet for kids for those of you who can't read my sarcasm. A Buffet. For kids. I felt like I was in a giant sized chuck e. cheese except without the giant sized mouse. Grandpa got up for more pizza and hadn't returned after about 5 minutes. So Grandma decided to go look for him. Husband and I stayed at our table. We watched Grandpa go past the door to the room we were in. We waved and hollered but there were too many crying infants and screaming Mexican children (the only reason I add the fact that they were Mexican is the fact that they were speaking spanish. And I add that simply because screaming is bad enough. But when it's screaming that you can't even understand it just simply sucks.) A couple minutes passed and there goes Grandma. We wave and holler again. She keeps going. We see Grandpa at the other door. Wave, holler. Grandma at the other door, wave, holler. Grandpa. Grandma. After a few minutes Patrick gives up and goes to find one of them. He corrals Grandpa and brings him back to the table. Grandma returns shortly also. And we've only been in Texas for an hour at this point!
A crazy and possibly life threatening drive later we arrive at the RV park. 200 some odd RV's, trailers, and campers. And double that on old people. We are in for a treat this weekend!
Until next time...The Magniloquent Mary
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